Sleeping Beauty: Modified

Once upon a time, a long time ago, there was a fairly-average-looking-girl who was born into a loving family. The parents were so thrilled to have born a daughter after having 2 sons, that they had a big celebration and invited everyone in the community, aside from the horrible Wicked Witch. When the Witch heard about the gathering, she became so furious for not having received an invite that she gate crashed the party and put a curse on the girl. She said, ‘your daughter will grow up to the age of 13, when she will have a rather unfortunate encounter with a piece of chocolate and loose consciousness.’

For the next 13 years the daughter was forbidden to eat chocolate of any kind, in fear that it would kill her.

But one day, the inevitable happened…. She rebelled.

Sitting in Geography class, the witch, who was dressed as a 13 year old boy, tempted the-average-looking-girl into having a delicious shiny round chocolate ball. It looked so appealing that the girl could not refuse. She thanked the boy, wondered who the hell he was, and then popped the chocolate ball into her mouth.

Just then the geography teacher announced that there will be a surprise quiz. The average-looking-girl had not done her homework in weeks and she gulped with panic. As she gulped, the chocolate slid down her throat. It was too big to pass through to her stomach, the intended place for the chocolate, and instead lodged itself into her air-way.

The girl knew what was happening immediately and stood up, face pale and unable to speak. All her class mates looked at her as if she was mad, since the quiz was being passed around ready for the taking.

The girl tried jumping up and down with the hope that the chocolate would disengage, but to no avail. The geography teacher started yelling in French to sit down, but the girl ran out of the class in a frenzy. As she left the classroom, she spotted a water fountain at the far end of the hallway. She HAD to get there, it was her only chance. She started to run, but soon became dizzy due to the lack of oxygen reaching her brain.

She passed the 14 year old classroom, who all came to the doorway to watch the sights. One kid ran out and tried to tap her back without success. The girl kept moving, slowly wobbling past the 15 year old classroom where 2 girls ran out to help her. But it was too late, the water fountain was too far away, and the girl passed out cold.

Now in the princess version of this fairy tale, we know that the only chance of awaking Sleeping Beauty is with the kiss of true love. And so it as the same for the-average-looking girl. She was in need of a kiss and a prince to save her life. But there was NO prince in the school, only a 80 year old PRINCiple (head-master), who took it upon himself to lay his lips on hers and breathe into her mouth. Thankfully the man had not brushed his teeth that day, and so his hot stinky breath melted the chocolate ball so fast that it disappeared completely. The average-looking-girl gasped for air, her life was saved.


As I tell this tale to my daughter, I explain that it was in fact ME who swallowed the chocolate and nearly died. But at the same time I am also telling her that my very first kiss was given to me by an 80 year old man with horrible breath…. who saved my life.

And now we know why I am a single mom.

BTW there wasn’t really a Wicked Witch….in case you were wondering.

Thank you for reading,