Why your child hates your boyfriend
For all of us who have children, and yet still working the dating circuit ….this blog is for you:
As you pass through the first few months of dating someone special, you may feel that your new romance is ready to meet your child.
WARNING: you are entering into a high voltage danger zone. The first encounter will be fuelled with anticipation and fear, and more often than not, your child WILL hate your boyfriend.
After listening to many of your stories, I have now classified the 4 most common types of boyfriends when encountering your child for the first time:
1. The over-enthusiast: he is the type of man who will come into the house, say a quick hello to you before making a B-line for your kid. He will act super ‘cool’ as he jumps into a game of hide and seek, followed by a game of catch, followed by the all-time favourite ‘airplane’ ride. This man is trying much too hard.
Be very clear: He is putting on a show with every ounce of energy that he has. This may not be a bad thing. He may simply be insecure (or petrified) that your child will not like him. And therefore is using all his resources to win their affections. Fair enough.
If your child doesn’t like your boyfriend, then they are most likely sensing his insincerity and smelling his fear.
My opinion (if you are asking): It seems rather impatient, for someone to dive into a child’s life by acting like their best friend, when they barely know them. My advice would be to raise a red flag and proceed with caution. Your child’s eyes may be more focused than your own at the start of a relationship.
2. The full grown child: This is the man that never actually grew up. You will recognise him by one of the following traits:
- He will be easily offended by your child’s immature words.
- He will often resort to teasing your child with equally immature words.
This person has stagnated at the age of 12 in his own emotional development.
Be aware that you are entering into a highly sensitive relationship. If that suits your personality, that is great!
But your kid may not be prepared for childlike rows with an adult man who is supposed to know better. It follows then that If your kid doesn’t like your boyfriend, it may be because you child was hoping that he would have a less vulnerable role model in his life. Can’t say I blame the actual child.
My opinion (again, only if you are asking): I completely agree with your kid. Dump him!
3. The ‘I know best’ man: Now this dude is straight from the ‘good old days’. He believes the following to be true:
- Children should not speak back to their parents.
- He always knows better than you concerning all matters of child rearing.
- His own children are perfect and he doesn’t get why you are having issues with your own.
- He only has access to his child every other weekend.
- He honestly fails to realise that that may not give a full picture of his child’s behaviour.
This man is usually an excellent conversationalist. Intelligent, educated, well brought up. If you didn’t have children, I would say: well done!
But the truth is, he is not a kid lover. He loves his own children of course, but chances are he didn’t bring them up, their mother did. This is a man who has little patience for bad behaviour, unless it is his own.
If your kid doesn’t like this boyfriend, it is because he is not the warmest, cuddliest, funniest person known to man. And furthermore, he is annoyingly arrogant.
My opinion: if this is the type of man that floats your boat, then you will have to find common ground between them. A hobby like model making (do people still do that?) or Trivial Pursuit may be an idea to give them a common interest.
My best advice is to set the boundaries and ensure he stays well out of your way when it comes to parenting.
4. The cool and patient man: This man is happy to meet your child, shake her hand respectfully and gets to know her slowly. This man will play with her sometimes and not others. He will ask her questions about her life and share stories from his life that make her laugh. He is kind. He is in no rush to ‘win her over’ and he is happy to just be good friends with her, never taking the ‘dad’ title.
I have to be honest with you here, I have never met this man.
But if your kid doesn’t like this boyfriend, it may be because he seems too good to be true.
Thank you for reading,